Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Oceans and waves, this is a dreary place. [January 8, 2010]

I am like a lost ship. i used to dream of finding the perfect life for myself, searching the horizon for promises of a better future. but somehow i have discarded my compass.. and its absence has me off course.
i find myself being drawn to the vastness of the sea, being tumulted around by the fierceness of the waves and sins of another life. instead of seeking that horizon, and turning my eyes to the wonder of the sky, i stare transfixed at the darkness of the waves, peering into the depths with almost an eager yearning for the unknown.
it is foolish to wander so far into the sea, this i know. even as i wade in the murky waters i wonder how i will ever find my way out. when one day i wake to find i am slowly drowning in these choices i have made, i can't help but fear my feeble attempts to grasp at the oxygen of fresh air and change will be in vain.
what if i can't make it? what if i'm too late, and my ship sinks into the depths, helpess at the hands of the powerful waves? what if this dabbling is more than just that.. what if it is drawing me in, only to suck at my ankles and then slowly envelope me in darkness, to the bleakness of the ocean floor?
fear is coming. i feel it creeping up my spine. hold on, i want to whisper to myself. you will find the compass again, and it won't be too late. but even i cannot know this for sure.

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