Never gone. [February 15, 2010]

Sometimes I am afraid. I am afraid that I will be lost among a sea of faces. That despite everything that I try to be, it still won’t make a difference to anybody. And because of this fear, sometimes I close my eyes and pretend I am somebody else. This somebody I hope will be heard in a world where crying out for help sounds considerably more like a hushed whisper. I hope that she will succeed where I haven’t; where I have tried but failed; where efforts have gone to waste. In some ways I depend upon her – this figment of myself – because she is the only thing pushing me to go on. If I lose her – I lose the part of me that fights; the part of me that hopes, dreams and believes. Even if I am disillusioned, and my fear is in fact warranted, at least I have my imagination. At least a part of me can never die, can never be crushed; can never be forgotten.