The Tinder Temptation

Like many app-loving souls on planet earth, I decided to download the phenomenon that is Tinder. At first it was fun - online dating without instant rejection? Scores of men I could perve on with an easy flick of the finger? Awesome! Sign me up! But as I spent more time on this popular app, I realised the fun was turning into an endless parade of bathroom selfies, lame About Me’s and conversation akin to a slow dribble down someone’s chin. Yep, Tinder was just another dating site and like all dating sites, was filled with beach-loving, gym-obsessed and "Ask me more!" boys who can't tell "their" from "they're." Perhaps I'm just a fussy judgmental princess, but the average bloke appears incapable of promoting himself, even on a minimal level. Instead of coaxing me in with a spark of personality, the boys I come across are like carbon copies of each other. To be fair, the girls could be exactly the same so I’ll direct this post towards both genders.

Tinder users, here’s a list of what to do and what NOT to do on this app (I might have thrown in some snarky comments along the way. Sorry about that).

1.      Word of advice? Use spell-check.

There is nothing more attractive than someone who can spell; likewise, there’s nothing LESS attractive than someone who mixes up their contractions and adjectives. Also – don’t ever rely on autocorrect. That bitch is unpredictable.  

2.      Your pectoral muscles do little for your personality.

I’m sorry, but five photos showing different angles of your biceps in a gym mirror does not make me want to run into them. No, it makes me want to drop a dumbbell on your head. ONE shot might be okay, but do not make your body the defining feature of your online character. If you do, you will only succeed in sending viewers to sleep.  

3.      Dick pics are NEVER a turn on.

I’ve got news for you: porn is a LIE. We do not want to come across your shrivelled-and-semi-erect cock while merrily browsing through Tinder. It is not attractive. You will not get our knickers in a twist. The only thing posting a dick pic will do is guarantee a swipe left… and a loud “UGH!” coming from our mouths.

4.      Emoticons are not an acceptable form of communication. 

When did this become okay?! Internet, you have some major explaining to do. Ain’t nothing wrong with a smiley face here and there, but detailing your favourite pastimes with mini pictures is just silly. Use your words people.

5.      If I've seen one tiger selfie, I've seen a million of them.

What is it with the tiger thing?! Yep, we get that you’re an animal lover. Big woop de doo. Guess what? Half the planet loves animals, and nearly everyone has seen a tiger. Post a picture with a moose or a flamingo and that’ll nab my interest. Shake it up a bit and you’ll find more people will respond.

6.      No I won't swipe right to know more, you lazy fuck.

This tagline is one of my absolute pet PEEVES. It makes you seem pathetic, dull, unimaginative and annoying. And no, it does not – in any way, shape or form – make me want to swipe right to know more about you.  

7.      Whoever decided a quote was a good tag line idea should be shot.

Anchorman quotes in particular. It’s a universal fact this movie is fantastic and everybody adores it. Does that mean you should quote it in your About Me section? Like every other Tom, Dick and Harry? No. If you’re going to quote something, make it original. There’s only so many times you can read “Don’t act like you’re not impressed” without wanting to scoop your brain out with a spoon. 

8.      "Gym" basically means "has no life."

Okay I guess I’m repeating myself here, but people seem to have this notion that adding “gym” to your interests section makes you cool. It doesn’t. I’m glad you’re healthy and treat your body well, but do I really care you spend five afternoons a week with a red face, grunting and sweating like a pig? Nope. Stop telling everyone about it.

9.      Irish, English, French - that's nice. Glad you know where you're from. 

I’ll admit, the idea of an accent on a good-looking guy is definitely a turn-on. But is your nationality all there is to you? Should I stereotype you right now? Because that’s what you’re encouraging viewers to do. Mentioning your birthplace is all well and good, but do so in a way that says “I am MORE than my accent.”

10.  Memes should never replace actual photos.

Memes are to be saved for an actual conversation, and even then, should be used sparingly. I like memes as much as the next person, but do they belong on your profile? I don’t think so. Save those spots for photos of YOU, not of grumpy cat. 

11.  Bike shorts do nothing but disturb the female psyche.

I think this one speaks for itself. I don’t care if your legs are slender and roped with muscle – nobody wants to see your junk accentuated by lycra. Same goes with budgie smugglers. Put it away.

12.  You love travelling? Great, join the entire world's populace.

Maybe I’m being a tad overzealous about this, but I haven’t met a single soul who doesn’t like travelling. Unless you’re pointing THAT out, how does this make you different to any other person on Tinder? Granted, if you said you didn’t like travelling I’d be concerned (Hawaii. Go there. It’ll change your view of humanity. I promise).

13.  All group photos? Yeah no, I'm not dating your entire friendship circle.

What is this, Where’s Wally? Except we don’t know what Wally looks like? Honey, that’s not a fun game. If you’re on Tinder we want to meet YOU, not the drunken bozos in all of your photos. If you don’t post at least one shot of yourself, then all you’re going to get is a Big Fat Swipe Left. 

14.  "Down to earth" should be removed from acceptable descriptions permanently.

I don’t even give the bloke a chance if he describes himself as “down to earth.” 1) I’m glad gravity is keeping you grounded. 2) Do you know how douchey you sound? Try for something less generic.

15.  Bathroom selfies should be banned. Forever.

I saved this point for last because I feel it’s a category in its own right. You are not in school anymore; there is no viable reason to be taking selfies in front of the toilet/urinal and/or shower/sink. Bathroom selfies make me think of smelly poos and desperate loners, and do you really want to be associated with either of those things on a dating site? Didn’t think so. Take a selfie in the garden instead, with some fresh flowers behind you.

One final comment – if you read this post and find yourself relating to any of my pointers, you might want to consider updating your profile (just a thought).

Do you have any hilarious Tinder stories, or have any other pointers to add? Let me know in the comments! :)

A storyteller and a dreamer

What happens, when all that will ever be written has been written, and we have nothing left to write? What shall be written then? Will words become the seasons, the tides, the rising and setting of the sun? Will everything that has been written, be written again, and nothing new shall arise to take its place? Who will drive lessons and stories and thoughts into the future, with change and difference? Are we meant to speak the same things, and never spew forth something new? 

For what am I, if not a teller of tales or a dreamer of dreams? What shall I speak that has not been spoken before? What will make my words stand out, become something fresh and vibrant and grab the attention of a world transfixed in the same pattern, hearing the same story over and over, never leaving the comfort of the known? Am I bound by the code this planet is chained to? 

I am afraid. I am afraid of losing my spark of difference. I am afraid of succumbing to the grievous patterns of stories gone by. I yearn to talk, to listen, to understand, to liken myself to a strange new something. So long as it is new, so long as it breathes and acts unlike anything that is already out there. 

Is this a false dream? Is this an impossible hope? For truly, what am I without my words? Who am I without my dreams? I am not someone to keep this longing inside, I am not someone to cower in the shadows while another fills the space where I am meant to be. I am not a coward, I am not a follower; but neither am I a hero, nor a leader. I am somewhere in-between what is known and what is not known. I am a drifter, a seeker, someone in want. 

I will not succumb to the turning of the tides, I will not have my words become as the seasons, I will not die without being a change, a shift, a chasm in the world’s reality. I am afraid, but this fear is born of the past. This year has been a new chapter, a short story with a strange title, the beginning of the unfamiliar. 

Never have I ventured into these uncharted waters, without the support of family, friends, school, university - predictable reality. I am like a boat without oars, yet I battle against the current. With my hands I beat the waves of the expected. I have no anchor, I find no tether to my previous life. My heart beats with longing and distress. Can I make it? Can I navigate these waters? Can I resist the urge to set sail for home, where certainty and comfort awaits? 

The beginning has come, the tides have changed, where have I to go but forward? 

Am I not a storyteller and a dreamer?  

Finding the joy.

It’s only when you truly begin to understand yourself and your idiosyncrasies that you can affect the way you feel. For instance, I was feeling irrationally sad earlier. Morbid even. Then I remembered something funny about myself – that writing about it would heal me. It’s strange how in the lunacy of life you can forget the vital keys to your own happiness. I have gone almost 6 years living in this whirlwind of study and work and failed relationships and broken friendships. And in that six years, I lost sight of what made me who I am. I lost sight of the simple pleasures in life. I forgot what it felt to be content. I forgot what it felt like to be WHOLE.

Now here I sit, after a 2 month holiday in the United States. A frantic and exciting journey it was, to say the least. How strange it was to realise that I was once again happy, and once again feeling blessed. That I could remember what made me smile – but more importantly, what gave me joy.

I love to write. Writing, to me, is the simplest yet the most brilliant form of expression. If you can write, you can create. And if you can create, then you are virtually unstoppable.

When I write, I am the creator. I am the inspiration. I am the story. I bring words to life. I bring characters and plots and twists and turns into being. I can manipulate the events and I can envision the outcome. But the single best part about writing is that so long as you’re satisfied with your own words on the page, then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You created it and it’s yours. It’s only true purpose is to serve you – to serve your own joy and contentedness.

And this, my friends, is why I write today. I have rediscovered the simplistic beauty of taking joy in your own handiwork. I have found my muse again. I know it wasn’t lost, but to have discovered it again is like finding the $50 you stored away for safekeeping but couldn’t remember the hiding place. My writing has more value than $50 to me – to me, its price cannot be named.

Ah, such joy this is.

Body image, self-loathing and the boogie monster.

Body image. Self esteem. The boogie monster. These are all things we’d rather not fight with. Honestly, it’d be nice if they shook hands with us or sat down and had a cup of tea, rather than stirring up havoc in our minds.

I’ve battled with all 3 since I was very small (yes, even the boogie monster, though he’s hunted by Sam and Dean from Supernatural in my head now so we’re on relatively good terms). There are days when they are so overwhelming and all-consuming that I am practically helpless. I am like the blonde chick at the start of Scream – albeit without the massive rack – I try and run, I try and hide, but all I do is end up at the bottom of the stairs with a big knife of self-pity and self-loathing stabbed in my back.

I know I’m not alone in this. There are millions of others out there who struggle daily with the reflection they see in the mirror. A lot of those people cannot find anything about themselves that they truly love. Their vision of themselves is so distorted that even if it stepped out from the gilded frame to slap them in the face, they wouldn’t recognise the beautiful parts of themselves.

Frankly, I have days like this.

It might come as a shock for those who see me every day, because I am the epitome of happiness. My smile stretches so wide, it’s like the Grand Canyon. But buried under that smile is a gulf so deep, I often feel swallowed whole by the sheer enormity of my own self-loathing.

Why am I sharing this, might you ask?

Because despite this, there are days when I am myself again. There are days when I see myself for the truly wonderful person I am. There are days I laugh at my ridiculous mind and its ridiculous thoughts, and I stare into the sunrise with purpose.

Frankly my dear friends, I live for those days.

These are the days that I hope.

I’m sharing this part of myself – this dark, empty part – because (and I know it sounds cheesy) I want my friends and anyone else who reads this to KNOW they’re not alone. There is beauty and wonder and magic in everyone. You would think, in my profession (social work), that I would despise humanity. Well, I don’t. I can see past the despair and dirtiness of this world and I cherish the love and magnificence that is underneath.

I believe – and you may curse me for this – that there is something good about every single person on this planet. I don’t care how horrible they are or what they’ve done. There is a sliver of humanity in every being. What I’ve found is – people tend to squash that tiny piece. They bury it, they kick it aside, and they ignore it. My biggest fear? That I, too, will be buried alive under the weight of my depression.

I don’t want that. Oh God, I don’t want that.

I don’t want that for anyone else either.

You know what keeps me from suffocating though? My ability to share my concerns. I know that there are people in my life who notice when I don’t call them for a few days, who text me when they work out something’s up. But I don’t clutch my pain to my chest and refuse to part with it. If anything, I scramble to offer it over to somebody – often in the simple gesture of a hug or a clasped hand.

So where am I going with all this? Well, this is my tiny sliver of goodness that I am giving to you. Take it or leave it, it’s your choice. But know this – help is always out there. There is enough kindness in this universe to wrap you in blankets forever. All you have to do is ask. Don’t be afraid. Stand up to the boogie monster, which is really only a distortion in your reality. We are the makers of our own world, and we can overcome. True, there will be days when we will bury our heads under the covers and not want to move, but there will also be days where the sun will shine and we’ll open our eyes and be able to face the day.

Friends, let us not wallow in our hurt or our self-pity. Let us embrace what we have to offer the world – that small piece of wonder which always makes us beautiful in someone’s eyes. 

"Fine. Then neither one of us gets her."

Vampire Diaries lovers, I have to apologise for this late recap, but I was in denial. 4 whole weeks until the next episode? I think I might cry. So hopefully by releasing this recap so late, you will feel like me - at least it's only 3 weeks and 3 days until the next episode now. Gah, I'm still depressed. Anyway, let's see what befell our favorite TVD characters in 'All My Children'.

It's a typical day in the Gilbert house when Elena wakes up looking saddened and regretful. Flip to an equally broody Stefan, who ignores the call she places to him. "But let's not forget Damon," Elena thinks, though apparently she's been calling him all night. Damon answers while he's draped next to a seriously gorgeous Rebekah, claiming that he's over the whole thing. Damon? Over it? Doubtful.

Rebekah takes the walk of shame with Damon, telling him not to make a big deal of what happened. The two chance upon Elena standing outside the front door (I must admit, I laughed a lot). Elena lashes out at Damon and then Stefan, after she tells them she's worried about Elijah's survival and they retaliate and tell her not to screw the plan up (fair's fair, have we forgotten what the Originals have done to her, her family, everyone she loves?).

Rebekah slinks back into the Original's house, only to be stalled and mocked by a flippant Kol who's noticed her dishevelled appearance. Kol begs Klaus to hit the town and have some 'fun', while Elijah tells Rebekah he's suspicious about Esther's intention. While Rebekah pushes away his worries without a care, Bonnie tries to reinvent the nobody-can-hear-us spell at Elena's. Elena can't stop ranting about Damon's attitude to sleeping with Rebekah and how it affected her, but then Bonnie lets loose the fact that she and Abby went to the old witch's house and met up with Esther and Finn. (I like that the mother of all witches needs two lowly Bennett witches to do her spell. Makes me chuckle).

As we find out, everything is going down tonight under the glow of a full moon - and Elena's conscience isn't boding well with the thought of Elijah's demise. Damon mulls over Elena's jealousy to Stefan, to which Stefan reminds him that it wasn't him sleeping with someone, it was who he chose to sleep with. The two come to an agreement that "neither one of them" gets Elena, as she is better off without either of them. When Damon leaves the room we can't help but notice Stefan eyeing the cup of blood - a little warily.

Elijah shows up on Elena's doorstep to take her on a little special Elijah tour of the woods of Mystic Falls. He demands the truth from Elena, who caves and wonders what she can do to help. Big mistake. Elijah smashes in the ground and drops her into the tunnel below and leaves her there. No phone reception either. Uh oh.

Damon calls Ric and asks him to hog-tie Elena to a chair during the ritual, but Ric's with his "sexy psycho doctor". Apparently he's trying to find out about his attack through Meredith, but the two are interrupted by Klaus and Kol sauntering up to the bar. Esther and Finn meet up with Bonnie and Abby to hold hands and make magic, while Elena tries to escape through the tunnels but is stopped by a very angry, very gloaty Rebekah. Yipes.

While Elena is panicking, Elijah calls Stefan and Damon and gives them "til 6 minutes after 9" to stop the Bennett witches or he'll get Rebekah to kill Elena. Cut back to Elena, who's desperately pleading for her life, and a crazily cranky Rebekah who says: "So why don't you sit down and shut up before I ruin everything by ripping your head off." I love angry Rebekah.

Stefan is mulling over blood again, but his thinking is interrupted by Damon who suggests a less terrible plan - divide and conquer, stab one of the Originals and they all go down. How to start the plan? With a little blonde distraction. Cue to a stunning Caroline at the Grill, who stops a certain hybrid in his tracks. Klaus: "Isn't she stunning?" Ha, loves all over Klaroline right now. Even Kol can't stop Klaus from running outside after Caroline and asking her to: "Take a chance Caroline, talk to me, get to know me, I dare you." *dead* He's perfect.

Esther walks and talks us through the spell as Finn acts it out. When Bonnie asks him why he's so ready to die, he replies that he's had enough of the killing and yadda yadda. At the Grill, Meredith is a distraction for Kol so Ric can stab him, which ends up dead-ing Rebekah (cue Elena's crazy running to escape) and alerts Esther that something is wrong. The daggering doesn't affect Klaus however, who rescues Kol and has a little fight with Stefan and Damon - only to be stopped by Elijah who explains what mommy dearest is up to.

Elena manages to get into the secret cave thingy that stops vampires from entering, and while Rebekah is contemplating whether torching Elena is the way to go, Meredith doctors Ric's wounds. Damon and Stefan flip a coin over who gets to be hated by Elena the most for screwing up Esther's plan, and Esther tells her newly arrived children that she ain't going to spare their lives so don't bother asking.

Bonnie and Abby high-tail it through the old house, only to run into Stefan and Damon. Damon snaps Abby's neck and turns her into a vampire (oh my WORD!) which puts a stop to Esther's plans. Her and Finn bolt outta there. Rebekah tells Elena the good news that Damon killed Abby and she'd much rather watch her suffer (alive), while Caroline refuses to let Elena see Bonnie. Bonnie does get hurt to save Elena (but even Elena gets hurt to save Elena...) just a whole lot of sad face here.

The brothers talk about the fact that Stefan drew the short straw, yet Damon chose to take the fall. He explains to Stefan that if he had allowed Stefan to kill Abby, it would have pushed him off the edge again, and that he's "better off being the bad guy anyway". Stefan also gets Damon to 'fess up that he's still in love with Elena, but he couldn't win her over fair and square. Aw, love those two building bridges.

Elijah leaves a note for Elena that leaves us all crying, and he tells Rebekah that their mother made them vampires, not monsters - they did that to themselves. Klaus burns all his drawings of Caroline, but in interrupted by a frantic Rebekah who has apparently been doing some investigating - there's another White Oak tree around!

Cut to the last minute of the episode, where Ric takes a moment to admire Meredith snoozing; then he pops some pills and notices the stack of crime scene pictures and notes and a long knife perched on the kitchen counter. Enter Meredith who's pointing a gun at him, says, "You weren't supposed to see that" and then BANG shoots Ric!

So my TVD lovers, what did we think?

• Were you a little disappointed (like me) in this episode after 'Dangerous Liaisons'?
• Do we think Ric will survive this?
• How long will Abby survive as a vampire?
• Is this the end for Damon and Elena?
• Is this the beginning again for Stefan and Elena?
• Will Stefan give up blood for good now?
• Damon and Rebekah - yay or nay?

See you in 3 and a bit weeks!

Glitz and glam; pain and a plan.

The glitz and glamour, the sequins and sparkles, the trains and tuxedos.

The Originals, the humans, the vampires.

A mother with a hidden agenda, a brother with too much love, and a sister just trying to fit in.

It would be simply maniacal of me to say that this episode did not live up to it's unreachable expectations, because it did. It soared above and beyond them, and it did not glance back for one moment. Congratulations to Caroline Dries and the always-incredible writing team for designing an episode that was truly, truly memorable. It was exquisite, and my mind is still reeling (never mind that last scene - phew, hot under the collar over here. Almost like those EW covers). The wait for all the Originals to be together has been a long-time coming, and it most certainly did not disappoint. Well, enough of my praise, let's delve into the source of it all - episode 3.14 'Dangerous Liaisons'.

Our episode begins with Elena and Matt leaving the hospital after visiting Ric. While the two chat about the attacks, an ominous shadow stalks them through the hospital and out into the car-park. That shadow turns out to be Rebekah, who (after smacking into the back of Elena's car) tries to bite her before Elijah pushes her off. Elijah says to Elena: "Well, I believe we have a little catching up to do" and Elena gives this little clue-y smile that I think everyone had on their faces after he said that. What a magical man, that Daniel Gillies.

We jump over to to the Gilbert house where Elena tries to convince the Salvatore's that going to the Mikaelson's ball to meet with Esther is a good idea. While Stefan may agree with Elena, Damon doesn't, and we can cut the tension with a knife. Then we get a wonderful glimpse of brother-brother and sister-brother rivalry as the Originals get ready for the ball. Mommy Original breaks the fight up by having a little chat with Klaus about her "1000 years on the other side" and asks him who he's going to invite to the ball. Damon and Stefan have a go at each other over who's looking after Elena now (the whole thing is a little too deja vu for my liking), while Caroline listens to a message Tyler left her. She notices a package left on her front doorstep, which turns out to be an invite and an amazingly gorgeous dress from Klaus. Wow.

Caroline chats with Elena about the Damon kiss (don't worry, I'm going to get to her reaction at the end of this recap. It's going to be a long rant), and then Rebekah shows up with another BAMF quote: "Careful Caroline, it's all well and good until she stabs you in the back." Rebekah decides that Matt is her target for the ball, and neither Caroline nor Elena are happy about it.

Cue to the beauty and glamour that is the Original's ball. Damon's chat with Carol is interrupted by Kol, who has nothing but demeaning things to say to him: "I've met a lot of people, and you don't particularly stand out". I always love a magical Elena entrance, and this one took my breath away. Damon was bedazzled, but the Delena moment is quickly ruined by an incredibly stunning Stefan. Then comes a supremely awkward and Katherine-like moment where Elena walks in with one Salvatore on each arm. Ha.

Then Caroline makes an equally, if not more magical entrance of her own - to which Klaus is smitten. Finn introduces himself to Elena and invites her to go visit with Esther. Their conversation is cut short by a charming speech Elijah gives, and Damon turns his own charms on Elena as he invites her to dance. We see a rather sad (but putting on a brave face) Stefan lurking in the corner.

I always love TVD dances, and this one (as everyone has been putting it) was picture perfect Jane Austen. Klaus continues to use his Joseph Morgan charm on Caroline (and let's face it, she will be powerless to resist), and Elena swings out from Damon's arms only to land in Stefan's. The two share one of their sizzl-y Stelena moments, and she draws him away from the ball to ask for his help to get Damon out of the picture.

SIDE NOTE: It should have been a dead give-away when Damon and Rebekah were dancing that there will be hot hate sex later, just saying.

Kol encourages Rebekah to let him help her kill Matt (instant thought [1] Matt cannot die, and [2] Kol's a DICK), and Stefan snaps Damon's back in order to knock him out. That was a nusto moment. Elijah confides in Elena that he isn't sure of Esther's intentions, and Elena goes to meet Mommy Original herself. Esther then tells of her real reasons for bringing the family together - to bind them and kill them in one fell swoop. We also find out that Esther was pals with Bonnie's ancestors.

Meanwhile Klaus comes across Caroline watching a pretty horsey in the yard, and blatantly answers her question as to why he invited her: "I fancy you." Caroline snaps at him and with a twirl, heads back inside. Esther tells Elena she needs her blood to perform the binding ritual, and Elena complies with a prick and a droplet. I was a bit shocked at Esther but then not-so-much - she is right in her thinking, and she's had 1,000 years to stew over it. Damon attacks Stefan and there's more role reversal between the two. "Maybe because you care too damn much."

Rebekah lures Matt outside to be killed, but relents when he puts his coat over her shoulders (naw, Matty <3). Elena battles with keeping Elijah in the dark about Esther's intentions, but then allows all the Originals to drink the champers with her blood ju ju in it. Klaus shows Caroline his passion in art, but she has nothing but frustration and a super keen eye into his soul to throw back at him. Oh snap Klaus.

Kol gets all snappy at Rebekah over not letting him kill Matt, and Damon uses his love for Elena to get mad at her. Damon: "I'm mad at you because I love you." Elena: "Well maybe that's the problem." Elena, youuuu bitch. Kol lures Matt out to the balcony and breaks his hand, and it's only Damon's intervention that stops him from being killed. He pushes Kol off the balcony, and both Stefan and Elena presume that he's on a bender again. Mean mean mean. Poor Damon.

Caroline calls Tyler and tells him how much she misses him - only to hang up and find a beautiful, sentimental gift from Klaus in the form of a drawing. Pony! And so Caroline softens. Esther goes all mother-y at Elijah for the Original's childish behaviour, and then we find that Finn agrees with Esther that they must all die. She performs her witchy ju ju and Finn's blood links their names together on a parchment and it bursts into flames. Grose, but cool?

Stefan and Elena share a deep and moving moment as Stefan reveals his lie from earlier, which basically confirms that his love still abounds for her. She cannot get him to crack through his façade and embrace his pain though, and he pushes her away, yet again. Sad face.

Rebekah tries to make amends with Matt but he's having none of it, and so drunk and depressed Damon comforts her the best way he knows how - through an epic sexy time. Just when it starts to get adult-rated, the episode ends, and we sit there in shivery silence. Woah.

So, I was impressed. I loved this episode, because it left everything shipper-related up in the air and answered a whole lot of questions about Esther's intentions. But now I need to have a few rants, so bear with me. Read if you wish, if you don't, comment below :D

Mini rant 1: Klaroline

Okay so, I was not a fan of Klaus and Caroline. I will readily admit that. I found the shipping idea ridiculous, and cringed even at the thought of it. THAT was before this episode. Caroline Dries, you have made me a Klaroline shipper, without even intending to. I've seen this splashed everywhere - you could ship Caroline with anyone on the show, and it's true. That girl has got 'something else'; and I will credit that to Julie and Kevin's decision to make her a vampire. One of the better decisions TVD has made, in my own opinion. Anyway, the Klaroline scenes in this episode were 'real'; they brought out Klaus' softer side and it strengthened the connection the two established when Klaus saved Caroline's life. Feel free to disagree with me if you like, I'm just confessing how I feel.

Mini rant 2: Stelena vs. Delena

This rant will be a tad longer, and I apologise. Firstly - Delena. I have seen so much hate on twitter about the direction this took, with Elena choosing to believe the worst in Damon when he was caught fighting Kol, which, granted, I am a bit cranky at Elena myself (especially for her harsh comment towards Damon after he uttered 'I love you'. Bitch). But there's something everyone is quickly forgetting - Damon has done SO MUCH to Elena, SO SO MUCH, and Elena has been asked to forgive A LOT. Don't get me wrong, I adore our hunky bad boy as much as anyone, but let's see... Damon snapped Jeremy's neck, he's stabbed Ric, he's fed Elena his blood... shall I go on? And while you can put it down to 'oh he's a vampire, that's just how he is' we all KNOW that he is capable of more. He just likes to snap. Now, while Delena fans might be crying at the turn of events in 'Dangerous Liaisons', you have to remember that while the foundation has been laid for Delena, it is on shaky ground. She might love him, but she isn't Katherine - she can't love another when she is still in love and in mourning over Stefan. I know that things tend to happen suddenly in TVD - you cannot predict from one episode to the next what might change - but in my personal opinion, it will be a while yet before anything happens with Delena. Granted, there will be 'moments' like in 'The Birthday' and perhaps more kisses, but the two have a lot to overcome before they can be a couple.

Now, that being said, I need to have a word or two about Stelena. My heart broke a few times over for Stefan in this episode. The man is so broken up over what he's done to Elena that he cannot face his feelings for her. He cannot face the fact that he wants her back. That is why I don't think Stelena will happen for awhile either. Elena may have forgiven him, but until he forgives himself, he won't go back to her. Now THAT being said, I think Elena is a bit of a cow for allowing Damon to love her when she is clearly still smitten with Stefan. And where the tricky line is drawn is what will happen while Stefan takes his time trying to forgive himself, and Damon has even more chances to redeem himself. (Let's face it, after shacking up with Rebekah, he has a lot of redeeming to do).

But while I'm on that topic, I DO NOT blame Damon for sleeping with Rebekah. Elena STILL assumes the worst in him when he has been trying so hard to 'be the better man' and she goes all nutso on him and shoves his 'I love you' right back in his face. AND she gets Stefan to break his back and then assumes that he went on a bender when he was fighting with Kol, and didn't even pause to wonder if he was protecting someone. After everything, Elena still assumes the best in Stefan, but not the best in Damon. (wow, I can't believe how correct that statement was til right now. Go me.)

Say what you will, but that's my opinions on the matter. Now, let's have a chat my lovelies :) What did you think of this episode?

"The worst thing for Elena Gilbert is the two of you."

My delightful blog readers and TVD fans. I've decided that Thursday has officially become my favourite day. Why you ask? Because TVD is on, of course. And this week's episode was one like no other - one we have been hanging out for almost as long as Delena fans were waiting for 3x10 'The New Deal'. Without any further ado, let's relish in the wonder, shock, sadness and horror that was 3x13 'Bringing Out The Dead'.

Our episode begins with the brilliant Elijah, and he's not happy Jan. With a bam bam bam he and Klaus fight back and forth til Klaus holds him at dagger point, and then Elijah states: "Use it, I dare you. You'll have Kol to deal with" and Klaus relents. He then asks Elijah if he will stand by his side and destroy Stefan in order to get their family back. Ah Klaus, more promises, more pleas.

Meanwhile, Sheriff Forbes interrupts a hangover convo between Elena and Ric to show them the weapon that was used to kill Meredith's ex has Elena's fingerprints on it. What. Elena confers with Damon, who theorises that it's gotta be Meredith, but Elena ponders if it's Stefan. Damon quote: "Ah. Makes me nostalgic for the time when Stefan was a bunny-snacking pacifist" *dies*

After Damon hung up the phone I had a brief moment before Elijah appeared that I thought: "PLEASE LET THAT BE ELIJAH" (I think my plea secretly brought him there. Don't tell anyone though). The two discuss the coffin and what might be inside, while Stefan takes Bonnie and Mum Bennett to the mystery coffin. Stefan tells Abby to scrape out whatever magic she has left to work out how to open it, then comes out to find Elena waiting for him. She asks him if he killed the medical examiner, and it's plain as day that he's offended (but seriously Stefan, why wouldn't she be? You were on a freaking bender til like a day ago. Yeesh).

Caroline goes to thank Meredith for saving her dad's life, but Daddy wandered out of the hospital without telling her. Caroline hears her dad's phone (with her brilliant vampy hearing) and finds him with his throat slashed in the cupboard. Oh no. Oh no. Another vampire in the making? Hold uppppp. (I suppose I shouldn't have been shocked. This IS The Vampire Diaries, after all).

Bonnie tells her Mum about Esther's love for her children in order to get Abby to do the duo spell to pop the locks on the coffin. Meanwhile at the Salvatore's there's a SHIRTLESS PAUL and a very cocky Damon rambling on about his awesome un-daggering of Elijah. Stefan, on the other hand, is none too happy about the idea of negotiating a truce with Klaus, and Damon's having none of it. He tells Stefan he'd better not let his feelings screw it up.

At the hospital, Daddy Forbes is freaking out but he's still prepared to die than become a vampire (aw, Caroline's FACE *cries*). Ric takes inventory on all his weaponry and he and Elena work out that somebody's been stealing his weapons and killing with them. The two speculate that it's Meredith's doing, but I'm not so sure.

Damon, Stefan, Elijah and Klaus meet together at Klaus' crib to chat (in LOVE with this foursome. All in the same room? Eating dinner? ARGH AMAZING). Elena tells Caroline she wishes any lady that happens to be in Ric's life wouldn't get mixed up in the vampy business, and Caroline marvels sadly over the fact that her dad's death has brought him and her mum together. Elena is wise with her advice: "The only thing your dad has is his choice" and I hate that you're right Elena. Then Matt shows up to console our lovely Caroline (aw Matty. You ought to get a medal of honour, you're so beautiful).

Klaus brings Elena up at dinner and the allure of the Petrova doppelgänger. Elijah contributes to his ideas with the story of Tatia: beautiful, unattainable, and loved by both Elijah and Klaus. The two toast to "family above all" *clink* insinuating that no girl is worth fighting over. The Salvatore's don't look very happy.

Abby and Bonnie have been magicking away trying to open the coffin, but Abby's heart ain't in it. Bonnie expresses how she pretended Mum was dead when she was little, and then the two try at it once again and flames erupt and the coffin is almost opened. Then BAM - the coffin bursts open. OH my word.

After the brother's throw their proposal at Klaus, he says he will never leave Elena behind because of her blood. Klaus chastises the two and makes them acknowledge that by dating either of them, Elena's only options are death or become a vampire. Klaus quote: "You both believe you're the one who can protect her and that is simply a delusion. The worst thing for Elena Gilbert is the two of you". Ouch, that's gotta burn.

Klaus takes a drink from a hot blonde in front of Stefan, and back at the Gilbert's Matt walks Elena home and has another good chat with her (Matt is like, the ultimate friend. Just saying). They wander into a dark house and find a pool of blood and bloody handprints and footprints everywhere. The trail leads them to a very stabbed Alaric - OH MY GOD. Then to save Ric (in theory) Elena stabs him. WHAT!

Klaus offers the brothers Elena's future happiness and well-being, and while Damon looks a little swayed, Stefan says no deal and gets his hand fried. Then Elijah goes with Damon to get the coffin. Dad and Caroline reminisce a bit and it's very sad like; Caroline asks him to change his mind but he won't because of his beliefs. The scene brought me to tears, may I just say.

Cut back to Stefan and Klaus, and suddenly Elijah and Damon come back - with a troupe of Originals with them! BOOYAH. Rebekah, Kol, Finn, Elijah and Klaus, altogether. Oh, happy family reunion kiddies.

Daddy Forbes passes away (MEGA sad face) while Matt stays and comforts Elena while she waits for Ric to wake up. Damon and Stefan both confess their love for Elena, one after the other, and we all go "Shit, now what?"

Ric finally wakes up (oh my, I had been holding my breath, this show loses enough parental figures), and after a few dazzling threats, MOTHER ORIGINAL WALKS IN. Turns out she ain't here to do what we all thought - she's here to forgive and be a family. HOLEY MOLEY.

There you have it TVD lovers. What did you think? Did you cry like a baby when Daddy Forbes died? Did you want to throw yourselves off a cliff when Joseph Morgan cried? What are your theories on who's killing people round the town and planting Ric's weapons? Did we miss Tyler in this episode? What does the future hold for the Stefan, Damon and Elena love triangle? I'm all ears! Let's discuss!

Til next week gems.